http://www.woot.com/Blog/BlogEntry.aspx?BlogEntryId=5282

Oh, no, Helen, that’s not what happened. What happened was… oh, hold on just a second Helen, Pamela just walked in. Hi, sweetie, how was your day?

GOD MY LIFE IS OVER THANKS TO YOUSLAM

Did you hear that, Helen? Did you hear how she treats her mother? No, nothing’s wrong really, it’s just a case of the teenagers. She’s mad at me because I got her these new Sennheiser MX70 Sport Earbuds. Oh, yes, they’re wonderful, neodymium magnets and everything. And they’re sweat resistant, even though she gets mad at me when I say that too. She likes this boy in her class-

MOM GOD CAN’T YOU STAY OUT OF MY LIFESLAM

-okay, well I guess I can’t tell you that she gets worried about this boy thinking she’s all sweaty so why don’t we just say the Sennheiser MX70 Sport Earbuds are water resistant. And they’re rugged too, and ergonomic. She can just throw them in her lunchbox and not have to worry.

MOM IT’S NOT A LUNCHBOX IT’S A PURSE GOD YOU’RE SO STUPIDSLAM

Do you hear how she talks to me? Yes, she’s mad because apparently her little friends are into Merciful Manson or Sisters of Marylstein or Rammson or whatever they’re calling that music-

GOD DON’T YOU KNOW ANYTHING MOMSLAM

-and so they all have to have everything the same shade of black, and she’s afraid they’ll tease her about the bright green. No, the Sennheiser MX70 Sport Earbuds are perfectly nice, just not the color she wanted. Honestly, were we this bad? If you ask me, it’s all these video games and the online. Oh, Pamela, honey, don’t eat any cake, we’ll be having dinner in a half hour.

GOD STOP TRYING TO CONTROL MESLAM

Helen, I really should go now. Listen, I’ll call you soon. Hope I’m not being too “controlling” or anything! Really, you read about parents who can’t let go, I can’t wait for college to start!

MOM I’M RIGHT HERE I CAN HEAR YOU IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME GODSLAM

Helen, can I ask you a personal question? Do you think my house has too many doors?

Warranty: 2 Year Sennheiser

Features:

• Powerful neodymium magnets for balanced, detailed sound reproduction
• Ergonomic design delivers optimum fit and comfort during sporting activities
• Rugged earphones and cable
• Sweat and water resistant
• Magnetic surfaces, for easy storage
• Flexible carrying case and cable clip for convenient handling
• Symmetrical cable

Specifications:

• Transducer principle: Dynamic
• Frequency response: 18 – 21,000 Hz
• Impedance: 64 Ω
• THD: < 0.1‑%
• SPL (1 kHz, 1 Vrms): 117 dB
• Ear coupling: In ear
• Weight (without cable): Approx .17 oz
• Connecting cable: 2.6 ft (+ 1.6 ft extension cable); symmetrical
• Audio connector: 3.5 mm straight stereo mini-jack plug
• Packaging dimensions (W x H x D): 3.9in x 8.6in x 1.9in

In the box:

• Earphones
• Ear Adapter Set
• Cable Clip
• Extension Cable
• Carrying Case

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/327826198/beaver_overthinking_dam

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/beaver_overthinking_dam?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

HUNTSVILLE, ONTARIO—Not content with functionalism, beaver Dennis Messner strives for integration-minded post-modernism.

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/327826199/29388

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29388?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

WASHINGTON, DC—High summer temperatures and ever-increasing levels of U.S. beverage consumption are causing ice cubes across the nation to melt at "an alarmingly unprecedented rate," the U.S. Department of Consumer Affairs reported Tuesday.

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/327826200/28362

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28362?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

WASHINGTON, DC–Vowing to "restore the pristine splendor of America's natural treasures," President Bush Monday unveiled "Project: National Parks Clean-Up," an ambitious program to remove all toxic petrochemical deposits from national parks by 2004.

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/327826201/32860

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32860?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

AUSTIN, TX—Garrett Durning of the Texas Environmental Defense League has spent the last three months campaigning tirelessly for the installation of solar-powered electric chairs in state prisons. "Texas wastes more than 500,000 watts of electricity on every criminal it executes," Durning told reporters Monday. "We live in the 21st century, and it's high time we acted like it. Let's stop depleting our non-renewable fossil fuels. Solar power is a more energy-efficient way to execute the condemned." Durning added that wrist and ankle restraints should be made of hemp rather than leather, the use of which is cruel.

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/327826202/life_jackets_issued_to_all

http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/life_jackets_issued_to_all?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/327826203/33988

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33988?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

Marla? Get in here. Where the fuck is Diane with my coffee? I sent her out 15 minutes ago for a large cup of fair-trade Ethiopian Dark Roast from the La Paz coffee shop. How hard could it be? You walk your ass to the corner, hand them my Utne Reader travel mug, plunk down the money, and pick up the coffee. Add a little soy milk and two natural-cane sugar packets, and you make sure the lid is tight. That's so simple, even Diane should be able to do it without fucking up.

I'm usually a pretty easy going guy, but when something does upset me I make sure that people know about it since it is usually something pretty serious. I've had some pretty good luck lately with speaking my mind and companies have been going above and beyond when it comes to customer service.

It all started with the Deathcab For Cutie show that we went to at the Harborlights Pavilion. A few days later I got an e-mail asking that I take a survey about the show. I filled it out and explained that we left the show early due to the sound quality. I've gotten plenty of surveys like this before and didn't expect anything to come of it, but about a month later I got an e-mail apologizing and stating that we could get 2 free tickets to a list of upcoming show and so now we are going to see the G. Love show. Hooray for Music Live.

The next example is related to when we went to see Kung-Fu Panda. I had read online that there was an extra scene after the credits. So, I told Cassidy that there would be more Panda and we waited through the credits. The only problem was that the digital projector stopped in the middle of the credits. Long story short (and I think I may have already told it here) the manager on duty (who was about 18) not only didn't apologize for the problem, but fluffed it off and was pretty rude about the whole thing. A theater cleaner who had no business getting involved stuck his nose into things and only exacerbated the situation. So, I wrote the theater chain to state what happened and they sent us four passes to give the theater another chance. Before the passes arrived we went to the same theater to see Get Smart and they redeemed themselves. I've also gone to that theater plenty of times without issue (well, except for the time there was shit all over the floor in one of the hallways) and so the bad service was a shock. Repeated bad service just drives me away, it's when I get bad service at a a place where I normally get good service that I feel the need to speak up. Hooray for Showcase Cineams.

The last example was related to the MyCokeRewards site. They had a promotion where you got double points if they were entered on a certain date. The only problem was that their servers couldn't handle the traffic and I wasn't able to get into the site to enter the codes in spite of trying over a span of about 4 hours. The fine folks at Coke gave me the extra points that I missed out on. Hooray for Coke.

Now I'm about to see how things go with the Topps company. I purchased a blaster box of their product at Target and every single card in the box was damaged. I've contacted them and am returning the box. It'll be something to see if they fall short of, meet, or exceed expectations. It looks like I'll find out in 2 - 4 weeks.

Stuff like this probably means a lot more to me than the average person since I've spent so much of my life in the customer service industry. Even when I worked for computer gaming companies and dot-coms, I was still doing customer service. I appreciate it greatly when I get good service, but it really bothers me when I don't. I always like to recognize the companies that go above and beyond when it comes to customer service.

So my sister-in-law was over today to have a crack at fixing the Monster Computer Desk of Doom. In spite of her initial optimism, there's nothing she can do. So I must now hunt for a replacement.

To give you an idea of how big it is, it's 6' long and 3' deep. Weighs a stupid amount. I'd like one about the same size, but a quick Google search only brings up private sales in far-away places, and used furniture to boot. I wonder if anyone makes desks this large any longer?

Another problem is that I do not want a desk with a keyboard/mouse drawer. I hate those so much. Every desk I've looked at (in an admittedly quite cursory search) has had one, though.

This may prove to be difficult.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2008/07/sunday-secrets.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.












-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, July 06, 2008 12:07 AM
Subject: i'm ready to lose everything

It's interesting - though you tagged this photograph as "I'm ready to love everything" and to me it looks like "I'm ready to lose everything," I wonder if in fact these vastly different phrases would still translate to the same meaning...
































-----Email Message-----
To: Frank Warren

I was reading PostSecret today and I happened to scroll down to the end of the page, and saw a photo of Kristin - a childhood friend that lived around the block from me in Florida. I did hear when she died, but I was very surprised to see the suicide hotline with Kristin's picture on it.

After researching how the Kristin Brooks Hope Center was founded I had to pass along to Kristin's husband, Reese, that the love he has for her is overwhelming. His devotion to her memory is remarkable, and I just wanted him to know that a friend who knew Kristin a long time ago was proud that she married someone like him. Their child is blessed to have parents like Kristin and Reese.

Thank you for all you do to help people in dark places find their light.





-----Email Message-----
From: Reese Butler [Founder, Kristin Brooks Hope Center]

The ability and opportunity to connect with one of Kristin's childhood friends was a miracle and a gift from the PostSecret community.

After Kristin's death I desperately tried to reach out to all the people she grew up with. It was important to me that people who did know her learned what happened to her and how they can prevent others from falling to the same fate.

For over 3 years the PostSecret community has helped people learn that they share some of the deepest and darkest secrets and are not alone

Thanks for this miracle.



-----Email Message-----
From: Frank Warren
Subject: Struggling to meet a July 9th deadline

The Kristin Brooks Hope Center needs your help today.

Become a member of the 99 CLUB. Call Reese directly to arrange for a larger donation 202-669-8500 (yes, that is Reese's direct phone number, please be respectful). You can also make a quick and easy PayPal donation. All donations are fully tax deductible.

Last night was tons and tons of fun
First I went with Caleb, Allen, Phil, and Jonathan to the river to see the fireworks
It was insanely crowded, but once we parked we hiked all the way to a hill and sat atop it to watch
For me the 4th of July doesnt really hold too much wonder
So the fireworks were great, but they were also just fireworks, lol
The company was fun
I kept killing Caleb's shoes (sorry my love ^.^)
Jonathan thought I would make a good assassin
And Phil thought I would make a good 'real' assassin

In the end we all ended up at FreakEngine
And we all know what that means
You have to read through another review, bwahahahaha!
I have you in my clutches
Unless you decide to stop reading, but that would break my heart :(

Freak Engine Review:

I think this was the first FE that I have ever been to where there were empty seats
And only 5 troupe members as well
Either there was a zombie attack that I didn't know about or everyone was busy blowing stuff up
Hopefully the latter and not the former

The first game was of course the paper game
And even though it was hilarious to watch Robert teach Joe Russian Spanglish XD
The funniest thing was perhaps Caleb's answer to Micheal wanting a region outside of the U.S.
"Nigeria! Puerto Rico! Utah!"
Caleb. I. Love. You!! XD XD XD

The next game I remember was Sound Effects
Even though most of it was gross sounding (thanks to Warren) the beginning where Warren argued with Micheal and kept interuppting him kind of takes the cake
That and the two drawers that Micheal opened (one sounding like heaven and the other being hell)
Bloody brilliant

I know they also played Bat
Which was probably the best game of Bat I have seen (well not seen I suppose, heard?)
Little Debbies, Ding Dongs, Jello splashing Warren, Deserted islands, Poptarts being pastries, Joe eating too much and Robert playing the timid wife (probably my favorite of Robert's characters of the night - besides the weird character that lifted up his shirt, lmfao)
It was glorious and the switching back and forth from skit to skit seemed really seamless

Next I remember the dancing contest
I was so close to raising my hand, but I am always glad when I don't XD
Jessy you would have loved to be up there cause it was a dancing contest
But you weren't there :P
Caleb ended up winning and got a nifty FreakEngine dogtag necklace
Nice
But not half as nice as the fact that the audience couldn't focus on Jerry's eyes
Why, you ask?
Well he was wearing spandex
And I heard later that he did no stuffing of any socks
*fans self* whoa

They also played Party
And poor Warren had to go on Jonathan's choice of Bananas in Pajamas
He didn't know what it was, but he took it in stride
Robert was the Olsen Twins
Jerry was someone with leperosy XD
And Micheal was Mufasa
Joe had a hard time with everyone except Robert
Once naming off Mufasa and the leper he had to call his neighbors the Cluesons to help with Warren
It was probably the best party I have seen
(except maybe when Warren was Yoda, Josh was Napoleon, and Laura was all the members of U2)

I remember there being 'That game with Joe' as Ariel so eloquently put it
Chase was the victim, but he took it well
Micheal was Steve, who just kind of got nervous and sweaty
Robert was 'the sweet Clementine' and his character broke down after the third time Joe yelled at him XD
Me loves
And Warren played an egotistical politian, I sadly forget the name
But he had comedy in spades with that character ^o^
(When does Warren NOT have comedy in spades, though?)

There was some poor girl in a short skirt that spun and landed on Orgasm
It was the first time I had seen Orgasm, but I was hoping all night for someone to land on it
Instead of just whimping out she actually tried
She fizzled out into giggles toward the end, but it was hilarious
The funniest part?
She sat down so we could all the London, France, and *ahem*
^.^

There was a guy that come on stage durng Freezetag that had me cringe and laugh at the same time
He had on his very appropriate American flag shirt
And he proceeded to sing and shake his hips and stuff
I give him many many kudos for having the balls
But still...it was mildly upsetting to my psyche @.@

The best game of the whole night?
Entrances and Exits!
Robert got so many laughs with his character that lived at the airport
Train. Flower/Flour. and Mary/Merry.
Those were the words that were everyone's Entrance/Exit
The little walk thing that Robert did while Micheal and Warren talked where he walked on and off stage
Me. Fucking. Gusta.
The spinning bit and Warren's reaction?
Priceless.

The best PART of the whole night?
The ramp auction that I won!
Robert's death-defying stunt ended up in the wheel of his scooter punching right through the wood
And he now is all bloodied because of the event, but he is alive, so that's all that counts
The ramp that he broke through was auctioned off at the end of the night
All the members of the troupe signed it
I won it for 20 bucks
But since Ariel and Chase looked SO INTENSE about having it, I bowed out and Chase have it
This was not the best part of the night because I gave away the ramp
It was because Robert made my night!
He felt bad for me and got everyone in the troupe to sign one of the four cars
Jerry was nowhere to be found, but the fifth car disappeared as well 
So I suppose he picked a good time to not be around
Robert also ran out and gave me the Sharpie 
Sorry Micheal, but I wanted it more than you did - and it was a gift so meh :P

And as thanks I am going to TRY my HARDEST to skip work to make it to the next Running Gag show
The 18th at 8 pm at a coffeehouse in a church in Cooperyoung
I will see how my boss feels about it

ps. Logan's Roadhouse makes awesome rib-eyes, and Jenny's mom makes the best yellow cake
Now I am going to find a place to shoot off my SUPER FOUNTAIN